The white wedding – A wedding is the ceremony in which two people are united in marriage. Growing up in Germany as a punk rocker where certain things were automatically rejected because they represented the establishment and the church, I never gave much thought about Marriage, especially it being a goal or something to archive. Coming to America made me aware that there is a a lot of rigmarole around this ” achievement”. It is glorified in movies and complained about in country songs. Within my family and friends in Germany I never experienced any weddings american style with all it’s glitter and glory along with their engagement parties, bridal showers and bachelor parties. Other than having been a flower girl at some of my neighbors weddings as a child, appreciating the food, I never gave it much thought even in the childbearing age of the early twenties.
However I am romantic and when I thought I had found the right man after 4 years of living together, I spontainiously proposed to him while he was rolling out dough in a pizza parlor.
My attitude was then, “I don’t need a ring” as well as I never imagined myself in a long traditional wedding dress with a veil. Other then my husband’s brother, our dog and a friend, nobody was there to witness us saying “I do”.
I had gotten a job as a tattoo artist , not only because I seemed reliable, talented and artistic as well as I was a married woman. That was very valuable for the manager, so his jealous wife would have nothing to worry about.
Later in life I started having regrets that I had never gotten a proper engagement and wedding ring and caught myself thinking about a beautiful real wedding dress. After my marriage had ended, I hung out with this guy whose sisters were all married with children and I thought to myself : ” Is this what people do” ? Is this the main goal, white picket fence, children and grandchildren and the suburbs?
When I had proposed to my boyfriend at the time, my motive was to to be with him forever, a team, being friends , lovers and adventurists. Being married for me has nothing to do with raising a family. It is a proclamation to the word that I make a commitment to this person, because I love him. Different people have different views. Some people still believe the institution of marriage is solely to raise a family. Traditional roles, the man works and the woman changes the diapers, cleans and cooks. When a man accepted the woman for marriage he expected a dowry that tradition was later replaced with the woman’s family having to pay for the wedding, insinuating by marrying her he was taken the burden off her family because now he had to take care of her.
As for me now, I would be totally happy with being married and having my own place and as that, being very nontraditional, there is still a little girl inside me that wants to be claimed and worshiped and wear the dress and ring like a princess. Spending thousands of dollars on one wedding day wouldn’t be my idea, but part of me can understand it. Its still a lot of pressure on the wedding day as the marriage consists of many more days to come.
The struggle was for me, keeping your own identity amongs all the compromises one has to make in order to live together. Will it be a ball and chain, that drinks, smokes, swears and snores or a delightful interchange of love and understanding.
The white dress represented sexual purity, so do we keep ourself pure. Please never answer the question, ” how many guys you have slept with”, don’t even allow it to be asked in the first place. The veil, no other man has looked at you before, so this one is special?
Why tattooed girls in white dresses? The woman’s liberation in the seventies was were women started to decorate their bodies with tattooed as well as celebrating their body with free love. The Puritan era was officially over and getting tattooed was like owning your body. As the white dress has lost its stigma of purity, having tattoos had lost its stigma as making you a whore.
Today women concern about their tattoos showing at their wedding ceremony, have almost become obsolete.